Edging is NOT a loophole.
I looked at the bedroom door and immediately knew what I had to do.
“Go in there, open up my phone and start watching.”
I did tell myself I wouldn’t do it again.
“But a look can’t hurt.”
I had even grabbed the toilet paper. Just in case something happens.
My hands opened up my phone, and I could feel the excitement rise in my chest.
I had moved past using the Hub
It had become a red line I didn’t cross anymore
Instead, I re-downloaded X again. Logged into my gooner account
And started scrolling
Gosh, that account was fucked up.
My reels section was pure porn back to back.
As I watched for probably 3 seconds on average before I scrolled
My hands were already edging
Stopping right before finishing, then waiting a minute.
Only to start doom scrolling porn and edging again.
In my mind, it didn’t feel like I was doing it.
After all, I wasn’t on the hub, and I had to intend to ejaculate
It felt safe. I could quit at the same time as I got the comfort.
My mind and body were completely fatigued
I couldn’t keep going
I exited the app and went to settings to see how long I spent on X.
2 fucking hours
I immediately deleted the app.
As if I was not going to download it again next week lol
Either way,
Edging isn’t almost quitting. It is the addiction.
There’s a common idea that you can resort to edging when you have quit porn. Just because the craving you feel is for the “pleasure.”
And if you don’t ejaculate, you’re not really feeding the cycle.
But that’s the biggest lie the Brainwashing Demon could ever tell you.
The compromising voice inside your head
Edging is the addiction in its purest form.
It’s not the pleasure or orgasm that makes you addicted.
It’s almost irrelevant.
The scrolling, the searching, the escalation, the anticipation while edging is where the addiction lives
And this happens whether you orgasm, stopping yourself right before, or simply just watching.
That’s what makes you come back.
Not the pleasure, stress relief or relaxation
You’re literally feeling a craving for the craving of pleasure.
And as you’ve probably noticed, there is no pleasure in orgasm anymore. The only thing that feels “good” is edging.
That’s not pleasure you feel. It’s relief combined with the anticipation of potential pleasure.
Edging and finishing are the same addiction.
Both deliver exactly the same thing that keeps you addicted.
Just that one of them gives you the relief of release
Don’t let the Brainwashing Demon fool you with “edging is safe.”
It’s not.
It is the addiction
He will tempt you with “just one look” “Just do it slowly,” or “stop yourself.”
But it isn’t “just one look”, it turns into hours on end
And it feeds the cycle you’re trying to kill
There is no compromise.
There won’t be any substitutes or loopholes.
The only way is not to watch it all.
Meyio